When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
