They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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