pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
