Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
