It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
