he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
