there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
