fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
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