shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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