FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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