theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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