I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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