I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
