so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
