That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
