I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
