Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
