There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
