i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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