He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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