I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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