Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
