I wish you could order shots online.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
