why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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