I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
