just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
