Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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