I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got inside last night via doggy door
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
