how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
