so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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