i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
