The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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