Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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