Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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