I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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