I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
