I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
