No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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