Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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