I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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