she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
