she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
