"it" just moved
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
