We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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