Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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