you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my sisters under your porch take her home
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
