mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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