some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
