You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
