I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
