Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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