i dont even know how to be here
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
