I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
