can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
